so infatuation makes me laugh.

i love the beginnings.

the beginnings of relationships.  i love the complete "awareness" of the other person.

i love the nervousness and the giddyness and the smiles....

            but i guess all of that stuff wears off me pretty fast once i actually get into the relationship.

...perhaps i just havent found a really good relationship?

perhaps. or perhaps im just hopeless.

&& perhaps with this boy and relationship...it will feel like the beginning for a long time.

xxoxooxxo.mar.

mmk.

i didnt do anything.

i didnt "replace" you....i never could do that. even if i WANTED to.

just think about all the times youve been there.

could i replace someone who stayed up all night with me after homecoming talking about my dysfunctional family? could i replace someone who was there for me when the "love of my life" up until that point crushed me? could i replace someone who i have a "Park" with, who i have songs with, who i have shared WAY ALOT of information with?

no.

i couldnt.

and ..honestly...

i dont appreciate being talked about. especially when i havent done anything to you.

or anyone else at the lunch table. and i dont appreciate it being behind my back, when you dont think i realize. but i know. every time.

and if you feel im "full of myself" or "emo" or whatever....thats not my problem. you know that im not ANY of those things, and if i were...obviously you and others wouldnt tell me to my face anyway.

and i got a hair cut tonight.

and its kind of "emoish" if you were to label it.

but damn it...i like it.

and whether anyone else does...is not my problem.

but i love you.

and i dont understand why you are talking about me.

but okay.

"thats just what guys do. Whenever there's an open chick....we've already got someone on it." --- my dad.

my room is blinding red. its amazing. the black star myles made me will be center of attention when the paint dries and i decorate it. because its my favorite.

ahh my friends are funny. drama makes life more interesting, and complex situations...well....you just gotta appreciate the complicatedness of it all.

"confusion and content."

    mmhmm. there was so much more i was going to write on here...but i just cant remember.

annaishott.